Review: All We Are

Reveiw #2

10/01/13

Title: All We Are

Author: sarahqq

Summary: Edward is no doubt one cryptic guy. The star volleyball player of Forks High School, he’s hot, blunt, and popular, but there’s something about him that goes much deeper than that. Then comes new student Bella Swan, shy and naive, who doesn’t know what hits her until he takes her heart. It’s a number, consuming, not-so-typical romance of two teens who want very different things.

Info: Fiction M - Romance/Angst - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 42 - Words: 186,799 - Reviews: 1,343

Type: Work in Progress (Last Update: 09/29/13) 

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The fanfiction All We Are chronicles Bella Swan’s journey as she meets, and eventually falls in love, with Edward Cullen. It is, in fact, written in a similar vain to the last fic which I reviewed, When Day Ends and Night Begins. Both stories center very heavily around Bella’s relationship with  Edward through the twilight years of her adolescence where she inevitably learns the lessons she will need as she teeters on the cusp of adulthood. This model seems to have become one of the archetypes which are inherently present within stories that take place during this time period in Bella’s life and sarahqq does not deviate from this central theme. In fact, she focuses on it (Bella and Edward’s journey) to the exclusion of all else, placing less emphasis on what is happening around the protagonists which is, in my opinion, to the fic’s detriment. 

Initially, the summary of this fanfiction appeared generic and unappealing to me. It uses all the tropes which have become standard when talking about a “All Human” fanfiction. Edward is a athlete, popular, and has a secret which serves as his achilles heal throughout the fanfiction. Bella is a new student, shy and naive, who is determined to learn Edward’s secret and inevitably ends up falling in love with him during her quest to obtain that information. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the Twilight Fanfiction Fandom (TFF) could guess all the major plot points of this story before reading a single sentence. 

Truth be told, the only reason I clicked on it was because the 10 or so fics which preceded it (on fanfiction.net’s page of recently updated fics) seemed even less appealing than this one. Luckily, I did end up reading it because there are a few qualities about this fic which makes is stand apart from almost every other fanfiction which I have read. Generally speaking (or at least, in my opinion), the first chapter of any fic is a good indication for what is to come. I rarely need to read more than the first chapter any fanfictions to judge (a) the quality of writing, and (b) if it is original enough to warrant reading through. I often find that if the author doesn’t have anything even slightly original to say in the first chapter, then the rest of the story will be in the same vain, as it’s most likely built off of regurgitated fandom tropes which have been written about seven hundred times. This fanfiction was no different. 

From the offset, Bella’s relationship with her mother is established as strained—the first scene depicts a phone call between them where Bella illuminates that Renee has chosen to live with her boyfriend over her—which immediately sets this story apart form (a) Cannon, and (b) the majority of fics which center around the same trope. 

But hearing the anxiety in her voice, I was comforted by the fact that at the least, she wasn't entirely unfeeling about shipping her daughter off to live with the ex-husband in that depressing little down called forks; she was making an effort. I could give her that (Chapter 2).

This opening passage, in my opinion, is rather brilliant. Not only does she confirm why her relationship with her mother is strained, but the author sheds light on Bella's personality—she's fair, and self-sacrificing (much like Canon, but that is really to be expected when we're talking about a cipher for the audience) and wants to have a relationship with her mother. As one can imagine, this immediately piqued my curiosity as I have rarely rarely seen a fanfiction where Bella’s relationship with her mother is strained. Generally, the tenor of their relationship seems to have two distinct mediums: good, and abusive. Naturally, I was interested to see how this would psychologically affect Bella and what  it would do to her relationship with Edward. Unfortunately, this plot point (while very good) was never really expanded upon and because a trivial detail in the character’s background which is a shame, because it (the exact shade of their relationship, I mean) was something original which I had rarely seen before. It’s mentioned in passing several times but the connection is never made to (a) what happened with her mother (b) the desire Bella has to have a good relationship with her mother and (c) the abandonment issues Bella expresses throughout the majority of the fanfiction. 

These problems are compounded by the fact that she isn’t on good terms with her father, either—another, plot point which is never really explained or elaborated upon, though it is perhaps more inline with Canon. What people often forget when writing Charlie and Bella’s relationship, I think, is that they have been essentially estranged for the majority of her life. They saw each other over the summer, but rarely did Charlie ever have the opportunity to act as Bella’s father. At best, this would have lead to the strained relationship which is present throughout the fic. I would even go farther to suggest that it is in line with Charlie’s “In Cannon (IC)” personality. He isn’t a man of many words and I don’t think he could quite articulate (to Bella or himself) how he felt about her going to stay there. He appears to be stuck in hiatus between the relationship he had with Bella (as her father/uncle/older-authority-figure) and the role he now found himself thrust into as her main caregiver. But again, her loneliness at his treatment is never fully realized as the author never seems to quite communicate what effect this has on her, and how it colors her relationship with the other characters in this story. 

Another thing which distinguishes this fic (though not immediately evident in the first couple of chapter) is that Rosalie and Alice play very small roles in this fiction (though Rosalie’s role could be considered ‘large’ if you want to dabble about the semantics about how a character’s importance inflates their “role” in the fanfiction), and I must say that it is a extremely nice change. At 39 chapters in, Jasper still hasn’t been introduced and I doubt he will be for the majority of this story. Straying away from conventional “shipping” (and at some points ignoring it all together), sets this story apart from most of the stories in the coming-of-age-teen-romances where the coupling is straight cut as it was IC (BXE, EXR, JXA). As a reader, it is refreshing to see an author do something new—introduce new characters, or flesh out characters which were given little to no attention in cannon—which is something this author does extraordinarily well. The characters which are fleshed out independent  of Canon (Mike and Royce), and changed from their Cannon counterparts (Carlisle) are truly the high points of this fanfiction. 

Of these three, the one I enjoyed the most was definitely Carlisle. The author has done a complete one hundred and eighty degrees with his character, changing him into the exact opposite of his cannon counterpart. His opening scene, I think, is the best example of this. 

"Walking down the aisle next to the fresh produces, I checked the paper money department of my wallet and mentally calculated the amount I could afford to spend on this random shopping spree with Edward. I wondered whether I should call my dad and ask him if he wanted anything. Then spotting peanut butter on the shelf, I reached out for it when another hand did so also. The hand brushed against mine. Standing before me was an extremely stylish, fair-headed man. "Oh, sorry." I took a step back and smiled apologetically at him. "Go ahead." But he didn't take the peanut butter. I had trouble keeping my smile in place, when his eyes began to roam from the head to toe. Was he checking me out? His lips molded into an openmouthed smirk. "You're a very pretty girl, aren't you?" I stared back, smile now frozen. "Isabella, is it?" Head cocked to the side, he inspected my ID card, which was on full display because I still had my wallet open. So I quickly hid it behind me. "Oh, I'm sorry!" The man howled with laughter, and the sound scared me. "Don't be scared, sweetie! I'm not a bad person!" But he didn't sound sorry or convincing at all. And where the hell was Edward anyway? "Hmm." He stared at my stomach. "You have very nice childbearing hips." "Excuse me, I gotta go," I muttered before hastily sidestepping him." (Chapter 9)

 It is things like this which make fanfiction great—it’s what it is meant to be. This author took the canon character and decided to depart from traditional characterization and created what is my favorite characterization of Carlisle to date. He is an alcoholic, gambles, womanizes, and is totally unapologetic about everything he does. In the story (and of the dramatic arc therein) he serves a foil to Edward... as a means of illustrating what the character could become without Bella. In my eyes, it gave her character importance because the author provided us with a very real alternative to what Edward could become. Alas, to go illustrate his thematic purpose further would be to divulge crucial plot points about this fanfiction and I wouldn’t want to spoil it for anyone!

The weakest part of this story, by far, is Edward and Bella’s relationship. This is unfortunate because it is what the entire plot is based around. All of Bella’s growth stems from Edward and visca versa. The problem I had when reading this fanfiction is that I didn’t want their relationship to succeed, which is a terrible thing to say but true nonetheless. The character dynamic between them was as follows: Edward used his charisma to hide his “terrible secret” and constantly hurt Bella over and over again by lying to her about his feelings. More than five times, Bella pointed out to the audience that “Edward wasn’t good for her”. This point was illustrated—and perhaps made more poignant—by the fact that I agreed with her. Edward wasn’t good for her, and didn’t appear ready to be in a relationship at all, which sarahqq explained with the analogy of him being “one step behind [her]”.  And it was heartbreaking, in a way, to watch their relationship grow and evolve, knowing that it couldn’t realistically work out. 

At several points in the fic I just wanted Bella to walk away from that relationship and it was frustrating, rather than a affirmation of her love that she didn’t. And therein lies my biggest problem with their relationship. Bella uses her love to Edward to justify everything which she goes through because of him during the course of the fanfiction. This is, of course, an admirable and romantic sentiment, but if an author chooses to use that particular plot device, then a delicate balance needs to be struck between her love for him and his actions which show his love for her. Essentially, for the first 30 chapters of this fanfiction, there was no pay-off for her affection. I really didn’t like Edward’s character and I’ll say that honestly—and to be frank, when you don’t like Edward in a Twilight fanfiction then there isn’t much point in actually reading it, is there? 

I was quite bemused when I found myself happy when Bella briefly broke it off with Edward (it is a central plot device in the second arc of this story) and annoyed when she got back together with him for the most trivial reason. Love isn’t enough of a justification—and it wasn’t enough in the first 2/3 of this fanfiction. It was only in the latter third that Edward actually started to warrant, to deserve, that love and showed it back to Bella in return. And I realize that this might have been used to illustrated the nature of teen romance, but honestly, at some points, it crossed the barrier into an emotionally abusive relationship, though I know it wasn’t the intention. Like all aspects of this fic (accept, perhaps, for the secondary characters), this is a fanfiction which had good ideas, but was ultimately unable to implement them. 

Verdict: 7.5/10 

Introduction and Information

Hello!

Welcome to my tiny corner of the internet where I'm going to be reviewing Twilight fanfiction. I truly think that this fandom has some of the most talented writers in existence... and some of the worst ones also! So I'm going to be writing reviews of the best and worst fanfictions that the Twilight world has to offer as well as provide analysis for many of the tropes present in the fandom today.

Yours,
~Gamer

Requests are acceptable and encouraged!

Review: When Day Ends and Night Begins

Review #1

9/16/13

Title: When Day Ends and Night Begins
Author: PuppetStrings19 
Summary: Bella & Edward were childhood friends before her mother took her away from Charlie right after their divorce. This story takes place when Bella moves back to Forks, is a new student at Forks High School and see's Edward for the first time in over 10 years. There will be some angst, sex, drugs and alcohol abuse. There will be some lemons in the future. AH/OOC.
Info: Fiction M - Romance/Angst - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 35 - Words: 222,949 - Reveiws: 759

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About a month and a half ago a movie house in my area (The New Beverly, to be precise) was showing a 35mm reel of the critical and commercial success American Graffiti. Having never seen it before, I decided to go and experience this coming-of-age teenage movie which has become one of the greatest cult phenomena in American cinematic history. The film (directed by George Lucas) depicts singular night where we follow the escapades of several teenagers who are on the cusp of adulthood. Over the course of two and a half hours, the audience comes to know each of these characters through the archetypes with which the movie defines them. Seeing it in the cinema, I was blown away by the infectious characters and the atmospheric portrayal of teen life with which the movie was created. The fanfiction When Day Ends and Night Begins is a very similar representation of teenagers, and it gave me the same nostalgic, bittersweet feeling which the movie so excellently portrays. 

This fanfiction is strong, I think, because it has a very blasé way of addressing dramatic, human emotion. The first scene is one of the best examples of this, and it was what drew me into this fanfiction in the first place. The scene opens with Bella and Charlie sitting and eating dinner. “We were sitting at his small kitchen table, sharing a large pepperoni pizza. I was having trouble swallowing my second slice because my nerves were causing my stomach to turn nastily.” There isn’t a hint of over dramatics, here. Largely, this meal serves as an expositional device by which we learn about Bella’s situation with her mother—no departure from Cannon here (but more on that later on). The reason I like this scene so much is because of the way it establishes the dynamic between Charlie and Bella so early on in the story. “I took a drink from my canned coke and caught Charlie’s eye. He smiles softly at me and the smile stayed on his lips even after he looked away.” I could see Charlie in my minds eye and imagine his relationship with Bella just by that small contact. It was low-key and very... real—which contrasts the relatively tumultuous events which proceeded it for the rest of the story. 

The characterizations, also, were very good for the universe they were placed in. The largest detraction which I found was that some of the secondary characters, for the most part, were caricatures of their cannon-counterparts. Emmett was loud and boisterous, Alice was bubbly and sociable, Angela was quiet and reserved, and Rosalie was opinionated and honest. It was only much later in this fanfiction that a few of them (Alice in particular) because a much more fleshed out character—especially in regard to her relationship with Jasper. But perhaps this can be excused because the Mary-Sue-Ness of the characters could be more due to the fact that they are so sparingly fleshed out in cannon that it is hard to give them a distinct personality without being accusing of “OOC”. And there must also be some leeway allowed because all the characters are teenagers and are at the end of their childhood (the parallels to American Graffiti become more apparent as you read on, I can assure you). 

What the story lacks in the development and characterization of its secondary characters, it more than makes up for in it’s two leads. When the story begins Edward is very quiet and withdrawn. Hints are dropped very early on that there is something going on with him (no, I’m not going to reveal what that is), however it is all very understated, which again, I like. It was a nice change to see a character with a traumatic past acting like a normal person instead of the large dramatic outward externalizations of angst which have become a trope in Twilight fanfiction. Edward in this story deals with what happens to him in a relatively normal way—which, in my opinion, makes him all the more believable as a character. Again, I would like to remind you that the reason I like this fanfiction is its penchant for understating dramatic emotions which only heighten the drama of a situation (instead of detract from it). 

Bella, on the other hand, still appears to be a cipher for the audience (as it was with Cannon), but unlike Cannon there are other things which define Bella other than her clumsiness. This author has gifted her with a distinct personality which was present before Edward came into her life (and it didn't dramatically change afterward) which makes her so much more identifiable as she grows because of the events which happen around her. It is, in fact, another reason why I liked that opening scene so much: it showed that she had a personality different than what the author wanted the audience to feel, or be feeling. There is a edge of weakness to Bella’s character, however... and she becomes far more gulldible because of it, I think. Early in the fanfiction (and even much later on), Bella seem to succumb to “peer pressure”, and doing things which she would have done otherwise. There are a few instances in the story where Bella does not seem very eager to do something until she knows that Edward is doing it also, at which points she jumps to engage in the aforementioned activity. That is a weakness in her character which I both like and dislike—which I hope was the author’s intention. The heart of it is the problem that Bella (at least so far) doesn't seem to have any concrete views on what she is doing with her friends, and wither she likes it or dislikes it. There are mentions in the story that doing drugs (which are an instrumental part of the story) and alcohol makes her feel "wild" and "rebellious", which I suppose justification enough in her own mind, but she says the same thing about Edward, despite all the other feelings which she professes to have. It made me, as a reader, draw the parallels between the two, which makes us realize that Edward is symbolic of the things that Bella does to make her feel "wild", which serves no purpose other than to undermine the strength of their relationship. 

At the heart of this story (as it should be considering the nature of this fanfiction) is Edward and Bella’s relationship. I felt that strong parallels were drawn to Romeo and Juliet, as it was with cannon (again, more on that later). Their relationship moves extremely quickly... but it is believable, oddly enough, because of how physical it gets so extremely early in the game. When analyzing this fanfiction the reader can never forget that these character are teenagers, and because they are teenagers, they tend to express things physically instead of emotionally. The ramifications of the physical catches up to them and then they deal with the emotional turmoil. Much like American Graffiti, this author captures the “teenage” experience very well.  

But alas, this story is not without fault. Later in the story, the drama which has been building comes to a climax in a scene between Edward and Bella. It is here which I feel the author slips up in her treatment of her characters. Both character explode at each other and as a result it comes across... melodramatic, which surprised me because I had found all the reactions and emotions in the story believable, at least insofar as how they were presented. The air of nonchalance with which emotions were presented gave the impression that it was real—not theatrical—that people were really feeling these emotions—that they weren't forced. Especially in such a crucial scene to the development of Edward and Bella’s character... it seemed silly that the author chose that particular scene to break the trend which had already been established. Another problem the author falls into is that Bella seems to do a lot of "show-and-tell". The most poignant example was when in one of the earlier chapters, she flat out declared that he had trust issues, instead of letting the readers deduce that for themselves. The final point of contention is very semantical, but it's about grammar. The author has consistent problems (throughout the story) with clause-agreement, and confusion about the "their/there/they're" words. Though, perhaps that can be excused because of the proud message above every chapter that “No beta has worked on this fanfiction.”

Lastly, I’d like to adress what I believe is one of the smartest things this fanfiction manages to do. Much like American Graffiti, this fanfiction chronicles the end of the lives of teenagers as they journey into adulthood. The very title itself “When Day Ends and Night Begins” is a literal definition of “Twilight”, which is beautifully symbolic considering that the characters in this story of transitioning from childhood (day) into adulthood (night). There are several ways in which the author manages to parallel the Twilight books, from Bella telling Edward he “dazzles” her, to him breaking up with her on his 18th birthday (a clever little reversal, if I do say so myself). Furthermore, it's nice and refreshing to see someone who actually pays homage (however obscurely) to the source material. There is a growing amount of cynicism in the fandom regarding the original source material—and I feel that it is a mistake to disregard it, especially considering the success which it has had. 

All in all, this is one of the better fanfictions I have read in a long time. It is one of the few Twilight fanfictions, I think, that truly manages to capture the “teenage experience”—drugs, sex, and turbulent emotions included! Much like American Graffiti did, this story chronicles the Twilight years of a group of friends, and it’s power ultimately comes from it’s two main characters and their relationship which defines the fanfiction. The fanfiction is not without fault, but it’s handling of emotions is honest, believable, and I can think of no reason why anyone who is a Twilight fanfiction reader would dislike this story. 

Verdict: 9/10